Contrary to last week’s instalment, this week I’m all about the sport. The Olympics and Paralympics are back and I cannot contain my enthusiasm for watching people do astonishing things. And what’s more, I want you to love it just as much as I do.
So let’s have a break from work-related chat and I’ll try to convince you. Strap in.
Armchair experts
How much do you know about the best javelin throwing technique? Or the rules of goalball? Give it 10 minutes and you’ll be bellowing instructions at the TV. Soon, you’ll have more opinions than a Match of the Day pundit. However, if you’d like to commentate for your friends and family with more authority, why not brush up on your athletics jargon with Are We Europe’s guide to sporting words and phrases? Today I have learned, from their selection of cycling lingo:
Bonk: a cyclist’s feeling of being devoid of energy
New sports
Five new sports this year: skateboarding, surfing, baseball/softball, karate and sport climbing (yes, it’s different to normal climbing). Here’s a quick guide to all five. Skateboarding caught my eye because of the age range. At one end, there’s 46-year-old Rune Glifberg (nickname: the Danish Destroyer) and at the other there’s 13-year-old Sky Brown (Team GB’s youngest ever member).
Pick a team, any team
I find it much easier to support Team GB than a specifically English team - it feels much less divisive for supporters back in the UK. And I couldn’t be prouder that our first event was a women's football victory (2-0 against Chile) preceded by the team taking the knee.
But, naturally, Team GB won’t be in every heat of every event. So now comes the true joy of the Olympics: just pick a country. Try to pick a winner or lend your support to a plucky underdog. And then join in the joy when a country you couldn’t even find on a map comes up from behind to take the gold.
Or, if you’re looking for a second team, why not support the IOC Refugee Olympic Team?
Ow!
If you like your sports with an element of danger, then the Olympics and Paralympics are ideal for your needs too. (It’s not all horse dancing, you know.) Who can forget poor Stephan Feck, the diver who landed on his back? And then there’s wheelchair rugby - AKA murderball - which I can only watch through my fingers.
ABC: Always Be Celebrating
I think that sometimes we forget that just being at the Games is a very big deal for the athletes - a huge ambition finally fulfilled. No wonder they can’t hide their happiness - and why should they? Joy is a lovely thing to witness, whether it’s someone having a little dance after every event like weightlifter David Katoatau from Kiribati (no, me neither - could be anywhere), or someone poking their tongue out when they’re supposed to be doing serious-humble-face like Bradley Wiggins.
Also, remember that not every country takes it for granted that they’ll win a haul of medals. When Fiji’s rugby sevens team won the country’s first ever gold medal in 2016, the prime minister declared a public holiday. Imagine that.
And then there’s everyone’s favourite bit of unbridled joy: commentators losing their minds.
Summer earworm
And last but not least in this list of my favourite things about the Games: Olympic theme songs. Not this one, stirring as it may be. I’m talking about the song that will accompany every highlights package on TV. It’s always a cracker and it’ll be woven into our memories of this summer forever. What will it be this year? Surely it’s time for a redux of the 1984 selection....?
Stationery corner
Spiral bound pad with the spiral on the corner! Looks great doesn’t it? Unfortunately, I am discovering that there’s a good reason why notepad manufacturers don’t usually put the spiral there...
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