Not much of a newsletter this week as I've been on my long-awaited “tour of the west” to visit family. But rather than leave you with nothing at all, here are some highlights of the week to keep you amused until I have anything worthwhile to say.
Deeply dippy breakfast
Predicting transport chaos due to royal events, I got to Paddington station far too early so took myself out of breakfast at Leon. (I know - Leon. Someone’s just been paid, eh?) I can report back that they give you an absurd amount of dip for your hash browns. I didn’t have Morris or the dinosaur with me to show you the scale, but here is the pot on top of a coffee cup - and that’s after I used a generous amount of it.
I’ve no idea what prompted me to select their ‘Korean mayo’ option instead of standard breakfast condiments. The excitement must have gone to my head. It was nice though.
Tea for who?*
“May I have a tea, please?” I asked the trolley guy on the train a couple of hours later. “No hot drinks,” he replied. I asked which way to the buffet car and he explained that there were no hot drinks available on the train at all.
No tea? At all? Don’t you know the country is going through an identity crisis? This could be the thing that pushes people over the edge… No, of course I didn’t say that. I just looked mournfully at my elevenses and put the lid back on the Tupperware.
This must have touched the trolley man very deeply as he reappeared sometime later - just after we crossed the Welsh border - to tell me he’d managed to get some hot water and ask whether I’d still like a tea. How had he miracled the water boiler back into service? We may never know but my money is on Druidic magic.
*Yes, I know it’s ‘for whom’. But the pun doesn’t work if it’s grammatically correct, does it?
In other food news …
Prior to my personal homage to Michael Palin, I put in a shift in the shop. A foray into the emergency biscuit tin brought me great happiness, which I will share with you now…
If I could make one recommendation to every workplace, it would be to have a tin for emergency biscuits. Then all you and your colleagues have to do is leave unexpected treats there for each other. You won’t believe the amount of joy this tiny gesture creates. I put Wagon Wheels in there a few weeks ago and people lost their minds.
Subs, please fact check…
I saw that film director Jean-Luc Goddard died earlier this week. I have never seen any of his films but his name is very familiar to me because of this delightfully misprinted Trivial Pursuit card that I treasure. As you will see, the Art & Literature and Science & Nature answers are the wrong way round.
Poor Jean-Luc. A lifetime fending off cannibalistic Yorkshiremen while peas took all the credit for his work in cinema.
And finally
Long-time members of this parish will remember that I’m a fan of the Daily Respite newsletter. It you have enjoyed today’s random collection of fun, I would encourage you to sign up for a daily shot of wisdom and whimsy from Clara Parkes. Then you too could reading thought-provoking quotes like this:
“Just keep in mind: the more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.”
—Epictetus
And, perhaps more importantly, watching videos like this:
Friday Dance Break
Oh blimey, train songs. There’s loads. Should it be The Loco-Motion - either the sainted Kylie’s rendition of the vastly superior original by Little Eva? What about The Beatles’ Ticket to Ride? Or maybe something more off-piste like Carter USM’s 24 Minutes from Tulse Hill? Or what about Sheena Easton who’s baby takes the morning train? The song may be the least feminist thing you’ll ever hear but you can’t fault her shoulder-work.
After much tussling, I’m going with everyone’s favourite manufactured boyband (OK, my favourite manufactured boyband) The Monkees, with Last Train to Clarksville. Have a fun weekend, whether your adventures take you across the country to friends and family, or across the carpet to the sofa.